


Why Do You Feel So Down?

by IdentityRedacted



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attack, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdentityRedacted/pseuds/IdentityRedacted
Summary: most of this is *gestures* angst so Have Fun





	Why Do You Feel So Down?

It had seemed as if it had taken all the energy in Cosima’s body just to twist the key into the lock and open the door to her and Delphine’s apartment. She was devoid of all of her strength due to her painstakingly long day at work. She looked forward to unwinding, relaxing, and most of all seeing her girlfriend.

“Hey, babe.” Cosima called out as she was twisting the lock into the key and opening the door. She looked out into the empty living room to their apartment and walked through their kitchen, placing the keys on the island table. She got out a glass of water for herself and called out again.

“Delphine, where are you.” She said, become more impatient at the idleness on behalf of her girlfriend. She drank half the glass and set it back down on the table in pursuit of her partner. She walked down the hallway to their bedroom begin to remove some of the layers of clothing she had piled onto herself before leaving into the harsh cold of a young winter in Ontario. She heard the knob turn from the door to their bathroom.

“Oh hey, Cosima. You’re back from work.” Delphine smiled, obviously beginning to unclothe herself after a night on the town with some major executives from the new corporation she had begun working at. She sat on the bed and opened the jewelry drawer on their bedside table, placing her earrings in them. She stood back up and moved to where Cosima was, in front of the closet, she kicked off her shoes as Cosima began to grow more attached to her by the minute.

“Hi,” She smiled lazily, her chin tilted up to Delphine, close enough to kiss her but farther enough to be an effective tease.

Cosima exhaled, “I missed you so much.” She said, backing Delphine up against the wall. Beginning to kiss up her neck and along her cheek. Delphine sighed, wrapping both her hands around Cosima’s neck, pulling her in even closer. She lifted her leg to curl it around Cosima’s thigh as she further her ministrations along Delphine’s body.

“I want to.” Delphine said, breathily, “But I have to change.”

“Noooo,” Cosima whined, channeling her inner child. “You don’t have to change. In fact, it would be better if you changed into nothing at all.” She leaned into Delphine, firmly grasping her lips with her own. She grabbed Delphine’s hand and moved it to caress Cosima’s own body, down her waist and lightly against her crotch.

“Come on, Delphine. Work with me. I missed you.” She said, pressing herself further into Delphine, curling her fingers into her hair, sloppily kissing her shoulder blade. “Did you miss me? You missed me too, right?”

“Cosima,” Delphine tried to interject, attempting to counteract Cosima’s overwhelming arousal with some level-headedness. “Cosima.” She said firmly. “Stop, you only get like this when you’re trying to avoid something.”

“Fine!” Cosima said, stepping back from Delphine, forfeiting the cause and resuming her changing. “I know I’m really horny right now and it’s gross.” She held her forehead in her hand.

“I’ve just been so frustrated lately. And I’m using you as an outlet which is horrible of me. I don’t even know what’s gotten into me lately.” She sat down on the bed, trying to gather herself, using the palms of her hands to block out the light that had become too much for her too quick. She began to feel a hotness build up in her head, then the tears game pouring.

“I’m- I don’t know!” She could barely stumble those words out under the profuse tears and speech garbled by thick mucus and distress. “I’m just so sad! And I know I shouldn’t be! I’m better, I’m healing! I thought I was healing.” She said, coughing while more tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Hey, shh, shh,” Delphine cooed, wiping the tears away and rubbing her hands on Cosima’s criss crossed knees. She knew it would be better if Cosima had room to just let it all out, to seek catharsis in a form other than attachment and physical intimacy, like she had been doing so much lately. 

“Cosima. Tell, me. And tell me honestly. Did you go to your last appointment.”

At first it seemed like Cosima’s tears had dissipated but they came back tenfold upon being put on the spot by Delphine.

 “No, I didn’t I’m sorry, I thought I was getting better. And it was keeping me away from you so I stopped for a few weeks and-” She shook her head, guilt was added to emotional wreck that she already was.

“Weeks, Cosima? These appointments are for you! Your PTSD, your depression and anxiety! And you need them consistently especially given that you're still vulnerable to have having episodes like this.” Delphine’s voice remained level, but every sentence ended in a staccato to emphasize the importance of what she was trying to convey to Cosima.

She noticed Cosima’s breathing was becoming more unsteady and severe so she quickly got a bottle from a medicine cabinet in their bathroom and a glass of water. She handed it to Cosima.

“Thank you.” Cosima said, opening the bottle and downing her medication with some of the water.

“You know it shouldn’t be this full Cosima.” Delphine said, watching Cosima’s breath begin to stead and rubbing circles along her back to aide her.

“Yeah I know you're right, you're right. I have, no excuse really. I’m going to call tomorrow morning before work. Set up another appointment. God, I’m sorry, Delphine you don’t deserve this I’m such a fucking mess.

“No,” Delphine, shook her head. “You’re not a mess. You’re strong. Stronger than I ever will or could be. You know, I had my own struggles too. But I handled them way worse.”

“No, babe. You’re strong too.” Cosima grabbed each of Delphine’s arms and kissed right where arm met her hand on both of them. “We all have our battles.” Said Cosima, pulling Delphine into a hug and resting her head on her shoulder. “But I’m glad I can fight mine along with you.” She nuzzled herself out of Delphine's neck and went for a kiss that landed on her cheek.

“Kiss me,” Cosima said. And they both obliged because with this small gesture they could begin to pull each other back together.


End file.
